I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
