i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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