your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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