I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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