It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize