Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
