I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
