Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
