So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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