I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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