Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
