I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
