so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
