How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
