Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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