Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
