Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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