So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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