i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
