I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
