all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
