24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
