OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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