I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
