I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
