Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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