Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
