Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
