and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
