fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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