God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
