..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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