I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
