She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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