so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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