Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
