Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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