If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
