Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
