my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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