By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
