He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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