respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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