I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
