Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
