Betty ford says i'm here all night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
