I want to have your abortion
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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