when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
