Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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