so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
