I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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