yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
