Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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