two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
