your thong is hanging out like whoa
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
