I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
