There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
