Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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