Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
