My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize