She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
