You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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