Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
