I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
