We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
