Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
