highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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