Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
only if we run a train.
done.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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