Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
