Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
even my farts smell like vagina
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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