I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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