if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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