Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
